What Brings Me Joy

We all have had those days when nothing seems to go right, and some well-meaning but not very sensitive person, usually older, says, "Well at least you've got your health."  As if the answer to any problem is to make a list of all the more serious problems we might have.  What kind of thinking is that?

It would be so easy (and humorously satisfying) for me to say that to people right now.  Every time someone tells me even the slightest problem, I put on my sad puppy eyes, and jab them that deep cutting offensive "At least you've got your health."  As someone who doesn't have his health right now, I hereby give you permission to respond to anyone who tells you that statement, ". . . And at least I'm not bitter and sick like you."

Now I move up the brain chain to a few things that currently bring me joy.

I used to write a lot.  Although never published or produced, I have written three full books, two stage plays, one screenplay, dozens of short stories, and three small coffee table books.  I did self publish a small book I edited of quotes from my partner's journal that he kept while he was dying of AIDS.  I did that for Randy.  I also created 14 large pieces of art in conjunction with the book, each containing a quote from the book and an object that belonged to him.

I quit writing for the past three years because I became frustrated with the hundreds of hours that I put into all of those projects with no one ever having read them.  That is why this blog brings me joy.  I am writing again.  I am writing for a purpose.  And with the help of the patron saint of lymphoma, maybe someone is reading it.  Let me know.

I get much joy from flowers.  It's a luxury that I allow myself right now because of the healing nature that they offer.  Their color, their smell, their unbelievable intricacies.  I don't know if anything is more gay than that, but I don't care.  I actually have it written in my will, "In lieu of flowers, send more."

I get joy from the intimate one-on-one time I get to spend with each friend and family member who takes me to a chemo session.  In each case, we talk about what matters most in life and we share a bond that will never happen again (I certainly hope).

Cleaning out old files yesterday, I found a list of things that I was proud that I have accomplished in my life.  If you want a little joy, make the list.  You'll surprise yourself.  And you'll surprise yourself with the kinds of things that bring you pride.

And lastly I get joy from this tremendous ability to take a pause in life and appreciate what brings me joy.