I have become very comfortable in a routine of discomfort. As ridiculous as that sounds, and is, I am now the perfect display of proof that we are creatures of habit.
For the past several months, I have gone to the hospital every two weeks to spend a day receiving chemotherapy. I know that I will feel OK for two days and then I'll be sick and exhausted for about three days. There will be mouth sores and neuropathy starting on day 5, a voice like a Muppet on days 6 and 7, and I won't even get into the clockwork colon calendar. In such a strange way, it is all OK simply because it is routine.
I equate it to any job. There are the monthly billings, the whiney clients, the forms and paperwork, and the incompetent people around us. It all becomes a routine pain in the ass.
Nothing is as much of an absurd example as my last job. I woke up at 4:00 am every Monday so I could be in my office by 9:00. That office was in San Francisco and I live in Los Angeles. It just became habit. And it was comfortable, in a very uncomfortable way.
I've always said that I don't understand people who stay in a relationship or job where they are abused or terribly unhappy. I think I do now. No matter how unhealthy, routine becomes a comfort in its own right.
Fortunately for me, I have no choice but to move on. And obviously I would never choose to stay in this situation. But it is amazing how we adapt. And I now have a much higher level of understanding for those who fear stepping beyond what is uncomfortably comfortable.
Hopefully we learn. I heard a great quote this morning; "Age teaches us that there is less time to do what matters." I am going to try to let that sink in and become a motivating transition from this uncomfortable routine. "What matters" is far more important than simply a new routine.
1 comment:
I read your blog many times and I actually could understand what you meant. Mine is not definitely as intense and severe as yours. But, as a child I had vision and earing issues. I was told it would end when I was 12 and I am 19 almost 20 and I still have both of them. I had horrible ear pain throughout my childhood and still now. It waslike my ears were infected 24/7. Since, I had these medical conditions and I practically lived at the doctors office. When my ears would hurt I would "comfortable in a routine of discomfort", I wouldn't tell my parents they hurt. I finally told them when the pain was too much to handle. My ears and eyes problem have been off and on my whole life. Recently I got my ears checked and they were normal and my family and I was super EXCITED! And I thought maybe I am growing out of these problems but then I wore contacts for awhile and my eyes started hurting and then I found out I am a allergic to contacts. I still do have ear problems on and off and eye problems but I am doing really good and pretty healthy and a sophmore at Sonoma State. I thought your blog was amazing. And I knew in a way how you felt. It sounds like your feeling better and that made me smile :) I needed that today. I wasn't having the best day and wasn't feeling so well and you brought my spirit up :) Thanks Bill.
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