Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Love From Beyond

Today I did something very powerful. I have wanted to do it for a long time but haven't felt emotionally stable enough to attempt it. This morning at 5:00 a.m., I felt strong.

My partner passed away in 1992 and for the past year I have wanted to write him a letter to ask for advice. He was a strong intelligent leader, and I knew he would have great things to tell me. That was the key to writing this letter. I had to also write a letter from him back to me; the most anxious part of the assignment.

Give it a try. Write all of your thoughts, updates, and questions to someone you love who is now up there protecting you. Poor your heart out. Be honest. And then without hesitation or thought, write a return letter. The true lesson for me is that all of the great advice that Randy gave me in this letter was obviously already in me somewhere. All of the good things that I don't want to admit are easier to say and hear when it doesn't feel like it's coming from me.

My motivation for finally doing this came after I rented a movie recently titled "P.S. I Love You." It sounded like a total chick flick, but I thought, "What the hell. I can handle a little sappiness right now." Sappy, chicky, whatever, it had a profound influence on me. If you don't know the story, a husband dies and leaves his new young wife a letter to be discovered every day for several weeks. The last letter asks her to please see herself the way he sees her.  That was an amazing line for me.

I know how much Randy loved me. It had never occurred to me to look at myself through his eyes, or to value the things he loved about me. Or one step ahead of valuing them . . . simply contemplating what they are.

My only warning to you is to have a box of tissues by your side (see blog below). It isn't working if you're not crying.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just reading your blog made me cry. I never thought of seeing myself the way my husband sees me. Even with seeing my husband every day, I don't know if I could know what he sees.
Bill, you always make me think, but
for me, today's blog leaves me wordless. What does he see? My imagination is non existent at present.

Elaine

Anonymous said...

What a great idea/concept ... allows us to write to anyone -- especially those who were close to us but are now 'gone.' In our hearts we probably know what they'd say ... but writing TO them ... and then WRITING 'their' reply ... has got to be intense! And I'm sure you'd get more "true" advice "from them."

Thanks again for some great life insight!